WHEN DO I GET MY BOX?
Boxes ship between the 5th and 8th of each month. The cutoff date is the last day of the previous month.
Example:
Order January 1–31 → Ships February 5–8
Order February 1–28 → Ships March 5–8
…. You get the idea.
Calendars are sacred.
We do not argue with them.
DO I GET TO PICK THE THEME?
No.
The Cult chooses the theme.
Trust the process.
ARE ITEMS PERSONALIZED?
Yes.
Some items are personalized.
Because your dog is not generic.
WHEN DO I SEND INFO FOR CUSTOM ITEMS?
Instructions for personalized or custom rewards will arrive with or before your first box ships.
You’ll receive clear instructions.
We do not guess when it comes to your dog.
WHAT IF I PREPAY FOR MULTIPLE MONTHS?
Members who prepay for 3, 6, or 13 months are considered Long-Term Devotees.
Long-Term Devotees receive extra rewards and exclusive items not available to monthly members.
Commitment is noticed.
CAN I BUY PAST BOXES?
Sometimes.
Occasionally, past boxes may appear as ready to ship, or individual items from past boxes may be available on their own.
We do not announce this loudly.
You simply notice it.
DO YOU ACCEPT RETURNS?
No.
Once a box has shipped, returns are not available.
This is a curated subscription box. Once it leaves us, it belongs to you and your dachshund.
CAN I GET A REFUND?
Refunds are available only if your box has not shipped yet.
Once a box ships, refunds are not available.
ARE CUSTOM OR PERSONALIZED ITEMS REFUNDABLE?
No.
Custom and personalized items are final sale.
They are made specifically for your dog.
WHAT IF MY BOX ARRIVES DAMAGED OR INCORRECT?
If something arrives damaged or incorrect, contact us.
We’re reasonable people and we’ll help make it right.
Just don’t email us months later with a mystery problem. If you do, send pics so we can roast your wiener properly.
WHERE DO I MANAGE MY SUBSCRIPTION?
All subscriptions are handled through Cratejoy.
That’s where you:
• Update your address
• Manage billing
• Skip or cancel
Easy. Secure. Clean.
CAN I CANCEL?
Yes.
You can cancel anytime through Cratejoy.
We’ll be sad.
Your dachshund will recover. We may not.
ABOUT THE CULT COMMUNITY
The Cult of Wiener includes a thriving community of dachshund-obsessed people.
We allow adults to be adults.
We allow jokes.
We allow enthusiasm.
We do not tolerate:
• Bullying
• Harassment
• Hate speech
• Targeting or attacking other members
If you can’t be kind, funny, or at least civil, this is not the Cult for you.
Protect the vibe.
Protect the dogs.
IS THIS ACTUALLY A CULT?
No.
It’s a subscription box, a community, and a shared understanding that dachshunds run everything.